In July of 2020 I made eye contact with myself in the mirror for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. We all brush our teeth, brush our hair, check out our outfit in the mirror every day, but how often do we stop and look ourselves in the eye? When I did, I couldn’t believe what I saw. An exhausted “old” woman was staring back at me! Who the fuck was she??? Who was this woman who had so much pain in her eyes, who looked like she hadn’t slept in years, who couldn’t smile at herself, who couldn’t believe what she had become? I cried. And cried. And fell to my knees on the bathroom floor. That reflection scared the shit out of me … that woman staring back at me wasn’t ME - that wasn’t my face, those weren’t my eyes, nor my frowning face. Right? I was this happy-go-lucky fireball that was always smiling, laughing and loving towards everyone around me. Where was she at? Where did she go?

  That day I broke down. That reflection broke my heart. I had fallen so far from the woman I always believed I was. The light I had always felt shining bright inside of me was barely a flicker … I was disappearing, dying while there was still breath in my lungs and blood pumping through my heart. At that moment I understood what it was to die while you were still alive. Then, this small voice whispered, “I am STILL HERE.” Tears poured down my face. I stood back up and looked in the mirror and I could see her, she was still there … behind the pain, the shame, the fucking unrelenting voice that said I deserved this. Behind all of that, there she was, just waiting for me to see her. I clasped my hands together and prayed for a way out. I asked my mom, my guides, the Universe, Source, God, anyone that was listening to please help me! I couldn’t do it by myself … I needed Divine intervention to guide me. I had to give up thinking that I had to do it all, that it was all up to me. I gave the reins back to God, to the Universe and said, “Help me, please! This isn’t the life I want, this isn’t the way I want my kids to grow up, this isn’t me living my truth, this isn’t sharing my gifts with the world. This is misery, darkness and it’s killing everything in me that feels beautiful, magical and inspirational!” 

  Less than 2 months after this plea for help, a catastrophe happened FOR me that shook up my whole life! Everything was “gone” in the blink of an eye and I had to pick up the pieces of my life and put them all back together. The pain was so horrific and so overwhelming, but I made it through. I had faith, unwavering faith, that the Universe had my back. The transformation that came from this has shaped the woman I am today. The woman that wears her scars proudly, that doesn’t judge her past choices and knows the depths she went to in order to find herself again! I have learned so much and will continue to learn, evolve, and level up! I hope to help other souls find this level of peace, clarity and joy in their lives too! Like a phoenix from the ashes, I fly renewed and embodied in my truth ...